The scribbler, 15 août 1822, jeudi 15 août 1822

-«-¦—¦¦ :r-T4.-cT -y r ' ^,~rrLz= —: rrjr Vol.II.J Mon ike Aii Thursdat, 15th August, 1822.[Aro.59.PrMemillom minora omnia.-Nihil dican nisi lingulare, nisi quod in ahum rerun diceretur, incru.bile •viderdur.Cicero.I omit a number of other things.I descant on nothing but what is singular in itself, and which would, if it were re* lated of other persons and places be considered as incredible.Inde in ferriterium.PlAUTUS.Hence let us hie to prison.Plus loge Is acre Rcmpublicam, quam loricse.Tertulmah.i The demagogues of law, and wranglings of the bar, Injure the State much more than Soldiers, or than war.• Supplement to the DOMESTIC INTELLIGENCER, No.XI, Record of Justice ! ! ! Weakly Sessions.The Hon.Mrs.Slipslop Mac Rope, Presidentess.Jack Severe, T This was an information against vs.> the defendant for driving his hor-Billy Pelt, j se beyond a moderate trot in the streets of Mount Royal.The prosecutor (who was the informer, and between whom and Billy there had been a quarrel just before) swore positively to the fact.Three other witnesset however (amongst whom was Dick Hard, the police jackall, and who would not in this instance have any share ot the penalty,) swore the contrary way, and that Billy was not going at more than a mod* 98 crate trot.Notwithstanding this contradiction* the scales of justice did not long remain suspended, for the Honourable the Presidentess, with that discernment, and impartiality, for which her decisions are so remarkable, reflecting too that Billy not being in her own good graces, and that it is the duty of all magistrates to carry with them to the bench, their private piques and resentments, forthwith condemned him in the penalty imposed upon such offences, most wisely, and /z Id NldcRopC) observing that since one witness had sworn positively against him, the other testimony, let it be ever so positive, could not be believed.To which sentiment the barber’s block on her left hand gave an assenting nod, and the affair concluded ; to the great satisfaction of those who have to make out the bill of costs, of which we are promised a copy, and which will no doubt shew the extreme moderation and strict equity displayed in all that relates to this most august and most immaculate court.Eight condemned criminalsconfined in the bas-tile, who had been respited to the 2lst ultimo, were most humanely, and with the most laudable view to the welfare of their souls, suffered to endure the agonies of suspense, without any notice being taken of them by the highest authority.— Fortunately for them that day happened to be Sunday, and the Sheriff judiciously and properly interpreting the silence of the executive as an intention of further respite, availed of that circumstance not to execute them.We do not know which most to admire, the foresight and accuracy of the counsellors who advised, Sunday to be fixed on for an execution-day, o^'.the vigilance and attention exercised in letting the matter take its course, so that the poor fellows might swing or not, just as chance directed.* TMr.Goisip ihould not, I thick, have treated thii subject in a ludicrous * •> 99 I IvIr, Editor, ' There is a young man generally attends the Roman Catholic chapel, with thé troops of that persuasion, green coats, who is remarkable for the little notice he takes of the young females about him, and his devout attention to the priest and the service, He never winks, nor nods, nor * * % \ makes motions to the girls, nor pays his chief devotions to them, as has been calumniously reported of him.Nor docs he watchatthe chapel door, till the whole congregation is departed in order .to leer at the pretty ancles of the maidens.This is certainly a great disappointment to many young ladies, for they do, from the bottom of their pretty little hearts, like to be stared at and followed by military beaux.I am informed too, Mr.Gossip, that this gentleman never stares in at a window when he sees a female, nor passes and repasses above a dozen times, in order to catch a glance, or attract notice.He never, like others of the regiment, follows ladies in the street, nor turns round upon passing them to view them from top to toe ; nor when he thinks he perceives a look of encouragement, does he address them.In short, sir, he is a very pattern for all the young officers to copy from, and in order that his example may be more generally followed, and his behaviour more admired, I give you the following description of him.In spinning street-yarn, he looks so much at the roofs of the houses that he might be taken for a slater, longing for a job*, but point of view, considering the awful questions at stake, though I confess the inexcusable inattention on the part of government in this instance, derives every kind of reprehension» Had it not been Sunday, and had it not been for the manly humanity of the Sheriff (whom 1 gladly take this op* portunity to praise, hiving otherwise so little occasion to speak in his favour) the poor fellows mutt have been launched into eternity with their pardons perhaps in the breeches-pockct of some dsndy-officcr, There is oo doubt but that they can not l(g*Uy now be cither executed, or any how othe rwise punished.Li M, 100 finding none from the prevalence of tin and shingle-roofs ; • About six feet high and as slender a s a maypole, his nose is not of the smallest size, and he has a chin to match, between which he generally carries an open mouth of no ordinary dimen- • sions : the gentleman is otherwise passable e-nough,and many people, amongst whom is him-sell, think him handsome.In publishing this, Mr.Editor, you will oblige A Subscriber to your paper, « ¦ JÔKFS CURNLR.Flora to Edwin.Say Edwin, why so cold thy heart ?Sure it was never form’d for love, Or thou wouldst not so soon depart, And leave me thus forlorn to rove.How couldst thou tell me that thy mind Would never, never, rove astray, Then prove ungrateful and unkind, And leave meTor a nymph more gay, Seest thou the tulip oithe morn, Exposed to every wind that blows ^ And how the cruel, beating, storm Will waste the beauty of the rose ?• ’Tis thus the helpless reraale lives, Exposed to every wile and snare ; And thus vile man her hopes deceives, And leaves her wretched, in despair.But Edwin, let thy heart relent ; Deceive not her thou dost not love ; If thou on wedlock art intent, Let not thy fancy wildly rove.Dr.Dash, begs to inform the public that he has reduced the engendering of puppies to a system, and flatters himself that its benefits may be extended to the human race, both in the generating and heal• JOi mg arts, information given gratis to those who wish it, at the sign of Homunculus.Lovelctter from a Schoolmaster.Dear madam, If there be yet no preposition towards a conjunction with you, be plea>ed to accept of this interjection of my pretences, for I desire to be adjective to you in all cases ; and positively I declare that, com* paratively speaking, 1 shall be superlatively happy, might I conjugate with you in all moods and tenses ; I hope you will not think me so singular as not to desire to have the plural number in my family, or that 1 am so masculine as to be neuter with regard to the feminine ; wherefore, dear madam, let us have our affections in common of two.Do not decline this conjugation, tho* I am not the first person, nor the second, nor the fhird, that has solicited you to be subjunctive to his love.I presume you will not be in the imperative whilst I pass from the optative to the potential, and that you will permit me to be a conjunctive copulative with you ; this will make a participle of happiness, if you please actively to give your voice to be passive therein.Be you but supine, and I’ll be deponent.My nominative shall be your’s, my whole income shall be dative to you for the present, nothing shall be accusative against you for the future, and your dear name shall ever be my vocative, till death the great ablative ot all things, part us.The arrangement which was made soon after the arrival of Mr.Foresight, between him and Lord Goddamnhim deserves every encomium.His lordship having always a fine stud of horses, (which, however, he very seldom indeed uses for the saddle, being a true and excellent Gambado horseman) offered Mr.F.to lend him his I 102 prancers to draw his carriage, if, in return, the carriage might be at his service, whenever he felt incliued for a promenade en carosse.Thus, with very laudable economy, have these two poor men contrived to save each other considerable expense.That Mr.F.should have lent him-' self to such an understanding, seems rather surprising ; but as for Lord G.nothing can be too mean for him ; and as he probably finds Mount Royal is getting rather too hot for him, he may contemplate returning to his native bleak and barren hills, with as much wealth as he can carry off (raised principally, if not entirely, out of the embezzled funds oi other people) and which his profligacy and debauchery may have left.The “Junto for gulling the public” have at length succeeded in hoodwinking the Imperial government, so that they have obtained a charter tor the nuisance they set on foot about five years ago, which they pretended was a Bank for the accommodation of the public.How comes it that this Junto have been more favoured than the others of the same nature that were established about the same time ?Lost, Near the Gref Nunnery about two months ago, a key to the Scribbler : whoever has found it, is advised to keep it with extreme care, as after a few years it will become a valuable legacy to bequeath to am of her relations, or it may be returned to the right owner, who the finder will know by the locksmith's mark, Printed and pi blished by Dicky Gossip, at the sign of the Tea-table.Chambly, 23d July 1822.Mr.Macculloh, On Friday last we were agreeably surprised by a visit from the Countess of Northland.Un- 103 fortunately, the guns being out of order, no salute was fired on the occasion ; but a round of entertainments have since been kept up, amongst the nobles^ for the amusement of her ladyship.This day it was proposed, for the purpose of varying the scene, to have a Pic Nic ; on which occasion, in imitation of your highly renowned Pic Nies, none but the nobility were admitted.Accordingly about eight o’clock we saw the party proceeding in the following order Sir Simon Millstone, the young master, and misses Millstone, attended by a domestic in state-livery, carrying a basket with their portion of the feast.Next was the redoubted Captain Skulk (who, by the bye, pokes his red nose, by hook or by crook, into every body’s dish, but never gives to others a like opportunity to do so to his,) supported by his fair disconsolate, having a ridicule* stuffed with ration-bones picked.Then we heard general Fleabite (with his delicate consort) floundering along like a lame duck in a puddle, watching Tom for fear he should purloin a bottle of rum out of the basket, and calling out to know whether his friend Sir Simon had gone on.Dr.Great-gun next made his appearance, and cut no small swell.My lord and lady Hatchet, who saw from their stoop,f their noble friends had all proceeded, now ascended the state-coach, ?The at'crrpt to derive thi» lobititute for a pocket, from a latin root, and therefore to spell it reticule% when it hai obviously received it» name from the ridicule with which its first introduction was greeted amongst the Parisian petits mitres and petites maitresseSy puts me in mind of the explanation given by a tutor to one of the dauphins of France of the cognomen of one of his ancestor!, Louis le Gros.Gros being, at the learned gentleman said anciently used in the same tente ai Grande the other being too gross an epithet to attach to any of the progenitors of hit illustrious pupil—Query : will the present French nation acquiesce in this interpretation of Louis le Gros ?iStQCp it an original Dutch word, Stocp> and meant any projecting part in front of the alieetdoor of any dwellinghouie, but moitiy applied to whit we ihoold call porticoci, galleries, orvirandu, It it uoiverially used • • • k a * 10* I rl which had first landed their guest lady Northland ; and went by a different route to meet the party on the opposite side of the river, followed by a numerous concourse of invisibles who partook of the novelty of the scene.The gents of this place, on this occasion, expressed much dissatisfaction at not being of the party, and some \\ ere rude enough to mutter something about a beggar, a horse, and a devil.Amo lgst these we observed Honesty Hooper, Old Bellow, who regretted much Miss Jack’s not having it in her power to go as she was not invited, and that Miss Sensitive (Jet her rest tn peace) could not attend, being in the city.Lord Have-mercy, Old Bluebottle, alias Shylock, Dr.Jalap, the Hon.Col.Thunder, &c.àc.&c.all mutually agreed, by and with the advice and consent of Swadling Dick to have a fête champêtre, and not invite one of the nobles.Of this Mr.Scrib, when it takes place, you shall have due notice from yours &c.Baron Harpax, I I^M»' — ¦