Diogenes, 30 avril 1869, vendredi 30 avril 1869

=qj§!Hp! m* —\'w| ?Yrs V*££ mMm jjiiiilMm • /.' |‘,/C ,, Price—Five Gents.Vol.I.Montreal, 30th April, 1869 ¦No.25 ¦ ' r.i.- mm » ¦k ^iiiiiifljite.n^ mm ••»**.* §&v?Sk •Ay; >''••• .'¦'¦-•'.Siàâ A.ilriÉHiW*’ A./r MM gglPâl lgj££ .nilll^ hi BBtefelS SEA-SIDE AND COUNTRY.Families going out of town during the summer months can have their supplies of Groceries carefully packed and delivered on board Cars or Steamboats by w.d.McLaren, Family Grocer 247 St.Lawrence St.T.E.Stoneham Manufacturer of Transparent Window Shades in Gold, Silver, Velvet, Crystal Painted Borders, Landscapes.Flowers, Gothics, Rustic Retreats, &c., beautifully ornamented.Photographic backgrounds, plain and fancy.Wire Screens and j Mosquito Gauze Blinds also furnished at this establishment.T.F.Stoneham.295 Notre Dame St.'?1P0W & C0- ivs & Distillers, ¦Montreal.>IA Pale ltd Mild Ales rown Stout, in and Bottle, felies regularly |d at their re- rsoiffll Iry & Offices, [Joseph Street.only ingre-ients required Jduce Dhlici-M.IGHT Rolls Jjiakfast or Tea, ||bd Flour, Salt Water, and THE ||t’S FPIEND .rS||!AKIhu '¦ (WDER, # ib^55 I*rade supplied jj by the •Manufacturer, McLaren, * 247 ^‘f twrence Street H.Corrigan, Shakespeare Inn, 77 St.Francois Xavier Street LUNCH every day from 12 to 4.Oysters cooked to order.A choice assortment of Wines, Spirits, Cigars and DOW’S Celebrated Ales.Music.MUSIC STOCK removed from St.James to the New Store, 351 Notre Dame Street.DeZonche Bros.Paper Hangings.TH E Newest Patterns jn even’ varietv, Plain and Decorative.DeZonche Bros., • 351 Notre Dame Street.CROSSE & BLACKWELL’S MPKRIAL SAUCE.For Hot and Cold Meats, Fish, Soup, and general purposes, in pint and half-pint bottles, (Imp.measure.) Also,—An unusually large assortment of CROSSE & BLACKWELL’S PICKLES, POTTED MEATS.PRESFRVFS AND CONDIMENTS.Wholesale and Retail.ALEX.McGIBBON, Italian Warehouse.SST LUNCH Delicious and ll TOW’S No.1 (Established 1859.) ENRY R GRAY, DISPENSING & FAMILY CHEMIST 144 St.Lawrence Main Street.Sv-apnia, a new prepatation of Opium ; Sweet Quinine, a definite Chemical Salt ; Bailey’s Inhalers ; Sulphurous Acid, & Sulphur Pastilles.PHOTO-RELIEVO : A new style of Portraiture introduced by W.Notman, Photographer to the Queen, Montreal.—Branches: Ottawa and Toronto.Call and see them.jji lOLLY’S BP-HOUSE L rlufl l|5t.James St.iatkeXtilf R I V E TT, '•S Irroprietor.¦fci the Latest iONGLISH NCH, I «rite! AND ùtR-'fc ERICA N Is H I 0 N loOKS (VEsTV _ ;nes’ Office, CîîîT, kl St.James.St. 274 DIOGENES.MEETINGS, &c.The LAST MASQUERADE OF THE SEASON, will be given at the CRYSTAL PALACE on FRIDAY EVENING.April 30th.During the evening a Hurdle Race will take place for a Silver Medal.The novelty of the race in connect’on with thi Masquerade will make the entertainment the best yet given.Messrs.J.F.S.Ross, R.D.Savage and Master Lindsay will give exhibitions of Fancy Riding.Diogenes will also be represented on the Fiery Bicycle.By kind permission of Col.Mackenzie and officers of the 78th Highlanders, the band o.the Regiment will be in atteudance Free list suspended.Admission 25 cents.Doors open at 7.30.To commence at 8 o’clock.T HEATRE ROYAL.Manager.J.W.ALBAUGH.OPENING NIGHT OF THE GREAT BURLESQUE TROUPE ON MONDAY 3RD MAY.The Popular Burlesque ot I X I O N.Particulars hereafter.April 30.QRAND MILITARY PROMENADE CONCERT.under the distinguished Patronage of Lieut-General Sir.C.WYNDHAM, K.C.B., Major-General BISSETT, C.B., and the Officers of the Garrison, will take place at the CRYSTAL PALACE, " On TUESDAY, the 4th of MAY, 1869.The Orchestra will consist of the united Military Bands of the 60th, 69th, and 78th Regiments : 120 PERFORMERS IN ALL.The proceeds to be devoted to the Canada Military Asylum.For particulars see handbills.The Velocipede Rink will be closed on the above date.Tickets may be obtained at the Mmic Stores of Messrs.Prince, Boucher, and DeZouche Bros., Notre Dame Street; and Dawson Bros., Great St.James Street.Savage, Lyman, & Co., SOLE AGENTS, FOR THE DOMINION, OF ULYSSE NARDIN, Lode e7i Suisse, Have just received by Express, From the above Celebrated Manufacturer, wLBox of Fine Chronometers & Watches In Every Style of Gold and Silver Gases, WARRANTED PERFECT TIME-KEEPERS,, AND EACH WATCH IS ACCOMPANIED WITH AN OFFICIAL GUARANTEE.Also, for Sale, GOLD AND SILVER WATCHES, Of English, Swiss and American Make, of Superior Finish, a7id Warranted.—l&T— SAVAGE, LYMAN & CO., 271 Notre Dame Street.April 30, 1869.STEREOSCOPIC V I E W S OF THE RECENT pLOOD AT THE DIOGENES' OFFICE.CHEMISTS.H AVE YOUR PRESCRIPTIONS PREPARED AT THE CITY DISPENSARY, No.252 Notre Dame Street.J.EUGENE D’AVIGNON, Licentiate of the College of Physicians and Surgeons, CHEMIST & DRUGGIST.Pure Drugs and Chemicals, Perfumery, Hair, Tooth and Nail Brushes, Combs, and other toilet requisites of best quality and at low prices.A large assortment of fancy Scotch Goods.CITY DISPENSARY, 252 Notre Dame Street.SPRING SALE C OPYING P RESSES.Cheap First-Class Account Books.MONTREAL Account Book MANUFACTOR V.£ QPHE EUROPEAN MAIL 1 on Sale at the DIOGENES’ OFFICE, 27 Great St.James Street.Subscriptions and Advertisements received.A SPLENDID ASSORTMENT GAS F I X T U R E S OF ¦ rniFi -F The Largest and Best Assortment A large stock always kept on hand in every style of Binding and Ruling.Also, An extensive assortment of Office Stationery.COPYING PRESSES IN CANADA, At 25 per Cent, reduction from former prices, during this month only.AT B U I L D E R S __ WILL FIND REGISTERS of all sizes.CHIMNEY CAPS, double and single, PIPE HOLES, STOVE PIPE RINGS, SWEEP HOLE DOORS and FRAMES, FURNACE DOORS and FRAMES, SASH WEIGHTS, all sizes, FANCY DOOR PANELS, And every description of BUILDERS' CASTINGS at 118 Great St.James Street, 532 Craig Street East ; Or at the Montreal Foundry and City Works, 165 to 179 William Street.W.CLENDINNENG.R.Weir & Comp’Y’s STATIONERY WAREHOUSE, 160 & 162 Great St.James Street.LATEST AMERICAN a?id ENGLISH DESIGNS, Just Received at ROBT.MITCHELL & CO.’S, St.Peter & Craig Streets.CLARET! CLARET! 1,000 Cases, one dozen each, from $2.50 a case and upwards.Alex.Me Gibbon.COLLARS.T HE CANADIAN COLLAR FACTORY, Nos.580 and 582 Craig Street.Messrs.RICE BROTHERS, the Proprietors of the Factory, have constantly on hand a large supply of PAPER COLLARS.CUFFS, SHIRT-FRONTS, &c., of all styles.Their goods are manufactured from the best of Plain, Enamelled, Linen, Imitation, Linen-faced, and Marseilles paper, imported direct from England, Germany, and the United States.They are also continually introducing new styles, which, for neatness and elegance, far surpass those of any other in the market.Trade strictly wholesale.BALLANTTNE’S BLSCULTS.j fust received.Albert Gems Stomachic Alex.Me Gibbon.Canadian Scenery.HOLDS T OCR’S AUTUMN SKETCHES ON SA1 E AT THE DIOGENES’ OFFICE, 27 Great St.James' Street.NEW SPRING DRY GOODS.FOR the Prettiest Line of DRESS GOODS for Travelling and Sea-side Suits, go to W.B.BOWIE’S.For the Best Assortment of CAMBRIC and MOHAIR FRILLED SKIRTS and White EMBROIDERED SKIRTS, go to W.B.BOWIE’S.For the Best Assortment of WASHING TRIMMINGS and FRILL1NGS, goto W.B.BOWIE’S.For the Best Assortment of FRENCH CORSETS and SKIRT TRIMMINGS, go to W.B.BOWIE’S.For the Best Assortment of LINEN and MUSLIN EMBROIDERED COLLARS and CUFFS and HABlt SKIRTS, go to W.B.BOWIE’S.For the T?est and most Extensive Assortment of BUTTONS, FRINGES, and SATIN and GIMP TRIMMINGS, in this city, go to W.B.BOWIE’S.Also, An Extensive Assortment of GENERAL FANCY DRY GOODS, just received, at Very Low Prices.W.B.BOWIE & CO., 395 Notre Dame Street.April 14. April 30, 1869.DIOGENES.275 A CHAPTER FROM A FORTHCOMING NOVEL ILDLY beamed the sunlight on the morning that followed the night of the party at Mrs.Highflight’s, and Amelia Ann looked bewitchingly pallid after rising at half-past eleven, and breakfasting at twelve, her head surmounted by a magnificent chignon, as e reclined on the green rep sofa in the parlor of , their residence, in the west-Sa^sSern suburbs of the city.Her face wore a pensive look ; for she was deeply meditating on the style of dress she would wear for that afternoon’s promenade, and she had not yet come to a conclusion.On the “ What Not,” in the corner, were some pieces of music, several copies of Beadle’s Dime Novels, and certain odd copies of Harpers' Bazar that appeared during the course of the past winter.But thoughts of a higher consideration claimed her now.At the same time, Charles Choker was on his way to the mansion.He traversed the macadamized road mounted on his high-spirited velocipede, and his kid-gloved hand clutched convulsively the gilt cross-head of the bicycle ; for he had determined on knowing his fate at the hands of Amelia Ann.Besides the conchoidal pieces of recalcitrant limestone rendered his journey somewhat difficult.He arrived at the paternal mansion, and was ushered into the parlor, where the chignon of Amelia Ann received him with a graceful inclination.After a few ordinary salutations, the young man thus opened his heart through the portals of his lips, partly hidden by his superb black moustache :— “ Once more, dearest Amelia Ann, must I declare the sentiments I have long cherished towards you, and ask— ask you again—to be mine forever ; for really the suspense that I endure is insufferable.” “ I must say, Mr.Choker, that you are not indifferent to me ; but it is such a great sacrifice to make, to get married at my time of life ; besides I never could think of marrying one whose business does not yield him more than a hundred dollars a month ; I would require the half of it for pocket and dress money.” “ Business will increase, dearest, and then your gratifications will be supplied.In the meantime, we would try to economize.” “ Economize ! I could not possibly find time for such efforts.There’s Kate Jones married a gentleman with five hundred a-year, and she tells me they have hard work to live and keep up appearances.” “ A fig for appearances.With you, dearest, I could live in a hovel, and breakfast off a crust !” “ O, what a horrible prospect ! No, no—the party I select must have sufficient money for all my requirements ; so at present, Mr.Chokey, I cannot hold out to you any encouragement.” “ Enough, proud girl ! If money will win you, you will yet be mine ; for from this moment I am determined to make money or perish in the attempt!” and, seeing his hopes crushed for the present, the young man rushed from the house, bounded on his velocipede, and dashed through the open gate in a spirit of desperation ! MRS.BROWN IN KANNIDAY.No.2.Mister Dyogenys.—My last letter ended at Highland Pond (as is a deceivin’ name as there ain’t no pond wisible there) where we got the wurst kind of a tea I ever did see ; the table was covered with lots of sassingers, as is a cheep bisness as no folks likes to heat ’em, thro’ bein’ made of pork as is ’ighly dangerus thro’ them beasts as they do say breeds in ’em, as Brown and me went to see at the PMer-tecknick shown by the rnagick lanturn, as a ’ole familee of six died thro’ them eer hanima’s a eatin’ up their hinsides.I wish I never ’ad tasted that beefstake, as cost me thurty shillin a 1 along of me leavin’ my false tooth (set in gold, as I ’ad put in to please Brown), in a sinue of it, and a swallerin of it for a bit of bone.Then the bread was that un’olesome thro’ bein’ stuffed full of soder and them Yankey Bakin’ powders,—Saleratus, I believes they calls ’em,—as I could not heat it.One of them waitin’ gurls says to me, “ Will ye’r ’ave a cup of tea, and does ye’r take cream and sugar?” “ Thankee,” says I, ‘‘ I will thinkin’ as ow I was to ’ave some good cream such as we gets at ’ome in the strorberry time in them Tea Gardens, when theyoung 'oman brought me milk, as looked for all toe world like wot Mister Perkins, our milkman, was taken up for sellin’ thro’ avin’ used a mixtur of chalk and water.Well, I got in to the train after ’avin paid fifty sents more for heatin’, and another fifty sents for a bottle of what wos libelled “ Scotch Ale ” (but was no more like the raal thing than chalk’s like cheese), and settled myself down for the journey, when the gard said to me, “Would you like to go in the sleepin’ car?” “Young man,” says I “what are you a-talkin’ about?Give me none of your himperence, as I conies from respec-tible parents, and ’opes to die so.” ’Owsumd’ever, a lady alongside of me hexplained as ’ow ’ee meant no ’arm ; but it was a kind attention of the railway derecturs to let you get a little sleep, thro’ not knowin’ ’ow long you might be a-goin’.So I went into the sleepin’ car, and wished myself out before many minits, as I never was accustom’d to see strange men pullin hof their boots and coats, etsetiree, and a-gettin’ reddy for bed, a-thinkin no more of it than a-combin’ their air.Says a ’oman follerin’ behind me, “ Don’t be shie ; yer’ll soon get accustum’d to it, as ’ow all folks in this country do.” Well, the young man of the car made up a bed for me ; and thinks I t) myself, “When in Meriker, do as the Merikans do.” And what with all the trouble and annoiance I came thro’ I were soon asleep, and never woke up till I found myself thrown that wiolent into the arms of a strange man the other side of the carridge, and my spectikles as was in my pocket smashed to fifty bits.I picked myself hup, and ran to the door, and says to the gard, “ Goodness gracious ! what ’as ’append ?” “ Nothink,” says ’ee ; “ we’ve only run orf the track and down a small embankment.” “Lor!” says I, “do you call that nothink?mind, if I’m ’urt afore I gets to Montreeal, Brown ’ll sue the Company for damidges.” Says ’ee to me, “Take it easy, old gurl, and get into the other car, for we’re a-g >in to detach this one,” as was a-smasued up like matchis, and not much damidge done to any person, tho’ I seed many lafable scenes all along of the passengurs bein’ all asleep tumblin on to each other.Well, I quieted myself down, and didn’t rest till we got to Montreeal, as was late in the arternoon, all along of the haccident.When we got across the river, as is a mity one, and were a-runnin’ tremendjus ’ard with floatin ice on it, we found as ’ow the train cjuld’nt get no farther than Point Saint Charles, thro’ a flood from the river, as they said, ’ad nearly drownded hout the poor people.Well, I ’ad my baggidge hexamind there by a most purlite DIOGENES.276 custom ’ouse hofficer.“Is you a hofficer’s lady?” said ’ee to me ; as I ’ad painted on my boxes “ Captain Jinks,” thro’ ’avin’ bought ’em cheap at a hauction in Totinham Court Road, and is name a painted in white a top as was grand like.Says I to ’im, “ I ham.” “ Then,” says ’ee to me, “ We wont trubble about a hexaminashun,” and with that ’ee let me ’ave my things free as was werry satisfactory all along of Brown ’avin’ larfed at me for buyin’ ’em.Well, so soon as my things was passed, I was started by them men as is hagents, who ’owld out several names of ’otels, as is a noosance, and should be made to stand by their ’busses.Well, as I wur a goin to stay at a friend’s ’ouse, I asked a cabby what he would take me ’ome for.“ Five dollars,” says ’ee ; as was thathexpensive, I got angry, and the fellurs was werry imperent, a-larfin at me ; so I seed a man as said ’ee’d take me for a dollar, so I went orf with ’im a-seated on my boxes in a one ’orse cart, a ’oldin’ on the sides, and the man a standin.Of all the queer sights as ever I seed, this wur the queerest a cornin’ into town, and I was that nervous, as ’ow I’ve ’ardly recovered yet.We ’adn’t gone far afore we comes to water ; says I to the man, “ Is this the river you’re a-takin’ me into?” “No,” says ’ee, “it’s the street,”—as reminded me of a place I’ad ’eard of in furrin parts where they go about in boats all along of the town bein built in the water.The water was up to the ’orse’s chest, and sometimes nearly it came into the cart, and boats and rafts a goin about just like on the Terns.Well, at last the water got so deep the cart couldn’t go no further, and we ’ailed a man at a winder who went into a backyard, as was a lake, and came for me and my boxes on a raft with a thing a top he e xiled a cutter, as frighted me thro’ not understandin’ these names, and I got in, and was roed to dry land again, and mity thankful to get there, ’avin’ seen such sights,—bread a bein’ ’anded in at winders to the poor creeturs as was ’arf starved ; ’ouses chained like ships to keep ’em steady ; pigs sittin’ on first-floor stairs ; people standin’ on ladders to get in ’ome, and rafts, and boys on planks a runnin’ into you as is ’ighly dangerus, thro’ the water bein deep; and the imperent fellurs sayin, “Golly ’eer’s a sight ! ’eer’s Mother Noah out for a row ! ” “ aint seen such a hold gurl down South,” and such like.“ Drat ’em,” says I ; “ a parcel of imperent boys as ’as no respecks now-a-days for their betters.” And now, Sir, I am rested, and intend in a day or two lookin at the sights of the town as seems werry ’andsome, includin’ Nelson’s Monument, and the Snow Mountain in a place as is called the ’Aymarket, as is werry creditable to the Corporashun for finding useful employ for the poor workmen in winter, and the doctors and hundertakers in summer.I ham ’onnerd Sir, Your obedient Servant to Command.Mrs.Brown.HINTS TO YOUNG LADIES ABOUT TO BE MARRIED.The past ball season having been fruitful of “ tender attachments,” which are to be followed to their legitimate issue, Diogenes, ever the friend of youth, beauty and innocence, has determined to give his dear young friends a few hints, which may be useful to them during that interregnum when beauty is, as it were, between the two stools of flirtation and marriage.There are so many little points which those who find themselves in this stage of “ Love’s Triumph” for the first time, must be unacquainted with, that Diogenes feels sure his darlings will appreciate any advice he may have to offer them.In the first place, then, he would warn them that while April 30, 1869.avoiding any appearance of shame at that which their mothers have all done before them, they should not rush into the opposite extreme, by telling all their acquaintances that they are “ going to hitch up with one of the fellows.” Neither should they speak of their bridal dress as their “ weddin fixins.” When the object—(let us call him Edward)—proposes a walk, you (that is each individual darling) should cheerfully accept ; but in your rambles beware of sitting down on “ grassy banks,” &c.By so doing you are liable to sit on a wasp or ant’s nest, when your cries of agony will necessitate inconvenient explanations.Do not address the object as “ Neddy there are other neddies in the world, and the name might not be thought complimentary.If your small brother exercises his wit at the expense of yourself and Edward, box the young urchin’s ears.Avoid looking in at silversmith’s windows ; it affords an opening to the small brother to talk about “ spoons,” and this might make Edward blush.When asked how you are, never reply “ Bully and when congratulated by your friends on the coming event, do not giggle and poke Edward in the ribs.You will be accompanied to the altar, when the proper time arrives, by your mother, or other relative, and will merely have to say the responses in their proper key.When asked “ Will you have this man,” &c., &c., repeat the answer given in the prayer book, but do not say “Yes, sirree,” or “ I guess I will both are at variance with the accepted form, though correct in meaning.When Edward places the ring upon your finger, you must on no account test it by biting it.The honesty of the maker is your only safeguard.You need not offer the officiating clergyman a dollar when the ceremony is over—-Edward will attend to that—-and avoid speaking of the former gentleman as the one that “ fixed” you.At the breakfast, your health will be proposed, but it is not essential that you respond ; if you do so, avoid standing on your chair.There are other directions which Diogenes may give in a future number.In the meantime careful application of the foregoing will serve to keep you from perpetrating any flagrant gaucherie.NOT ON THE PAPER.In the last session, it will be remembered, the Contingent Committee of the House of Commons made a report—afterwards adopted by a large majority of the House,—recommending various reductions, abridgements, curtailments, and loppings-off.There was one particular affecting honorable members themselves.Their limitless forays on the stationery department were declared to be at an end.and the disinterested gentlemen voted themselves a fixed j and moderate quantity of pens, ink, paper, and pen-knives.But scarcely had they entered on their duties in the present ; session then they made an attempt to kick off the shoes that pinched their own feet, and to return to their former practices.But the Speaker declined to be hot-pressed, and resolutely refused to don the foolscap.He told them other people had corns as well as themselves, and that on some they had trodden pretty hard.He had no objection to a general alleviation ; but he could not consent to a removal of their very slight—almost imaginary—self-inflicted pains, while some of their fellow-sufferers were in grievous trouble, and one, here and there, cripples for life.They growled, but sank abashed.ORDER THE HEARSE.There can be very little doubt as to the early dissolution of the Railway Commission.The government has already provided it with a Coffin. DIOGENES.I April 30, 1869.277 “TRICHINA SPIRALIS.” Air :—“ Tramp, Tramp, Tramp.” There has lately been a fuss o’er a spiral little cuss Which inhabits ill-bred porkers, we are told, And keen science now affirms that trichinae were the worms That cooked King Herod’s goose in days of old.Chorus.—Tramp, tramp, tramp! the worms are marching, Eating muscle as they go; And although they there encyst, They will freely still exist In the human frame,—believe me, it is so ! Dr.Edwards, who is sound on the microscope, has found That their structure is as perfect as can be ; But a Doctor came to spy, with an unbelieving eye, And he couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t, didn’t see.Chorus.—Meanwhile—still the worms are marching, &c., &c.Then a Howard and a Drake did a new discovery make In some ham of that afflicted family— Though a Trenholme failed to find, and went almost out of mind, ’Cause he couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t, didn’t see.Chorus.—Meanwhile—still the worms are marching, &c., &c.Now, the other Doctors too, who the fatal ham did view, That the pig had trichiniasis agree ; So the worms were photographed, and the Cynic gaily chaffed All the learned men who couldn’t, wouldn’t see.Chorus.—Meanwhile, still the worms are marching, &c., &c.And the Board of Health, I see, has at length commissioned three Skilful Doctors, with their microscopes, so rare, To examine bacon-rind, and to try if they can find Any worms, or germs, or spe-ms, or “ critters” there.Chorus.—Meanwhile—still the worms are marching, Here, and there, and everywhere ; In our biscuit, in our cheese, In our sugar, if you please.As to water ! you may drink it, if you dare ! HUBSOlk'S jféffwo i '' vKj Jj Ms| I mm sO|] SHARPS AND FLATS.Diogenes, who is ever ready to commend where his approbation has been merited, has seldom an opportunity of bestowing his approval on the official acts of his American niighbors; but the police of Albany have recently earned h's unqualified admiration.Two young men were, last week, removed from a church, for singing out of tune, by some constables of Albany.This unmusical annoyance which is so common amongst ourselves, is evidently one which the artistic “ peelers ” of Albany are unable to support ; and Diogenes can thoroughly appreciate the agony which a properly-constituted policeman must endure on hearing “A flat,” when the expected sound is “ B sharp.” It was urged against the offenders that they were seceders from the choir, and had adopted this plan to harrass their late brethren ; but Diogenes looks upon this charge as an unworthy attempt to detract from the critical acumen of those who are always accustomed to be sharp in pouncing upon a fat.__________________________ DISEASED CONUNDRUMS BY OUR SICK CONTRIBUTOR.What kind of confectionery did the river resemble during the flood ?An ice-fam (a nice jam'.* Why is a wheelwright like the driver of a liquor wagon?Because he tires wheels to make felloes (fellows) tight.YOU DON’T SAY SO! What city maybe considered the metropolis of trichince?Trichinopoly, I guess ! LATEST FROM OTTAWA.{By Telegrami) The Privy Council met this afternoon.The Red Rive1 country occupied their attention.Dr.Quackenboss, the celebrated American entomologist, was introduced.The Doctor laid before the Council a statement showing that he had successfully defended the Abyssinian Expedition against the onslaughts of the Tsetse fly, which, it was predicted, would make mincemeat of rank and file, gnaw up the staff, and even honeycomb the artillery.He proposed to free the Red River country from its pests, the grasshoppers.He offered to keep the entire territory free from the ravagers at 20 cents per square mile per annum, and to hop the race out of existence in three years.The proposal was favorably entertained, but the Government appeared inclined to purchase the patent, rather than make annual payments, the more especially as they were convinced by the Professor that his system would be effective should another pest appear at home, in the shape of a formidable Opposition.THE “ CAPITAL.” 1ST Swell.—Aw—were you at the fire last night?” 2nd ditto.—“ Aw—yes.Would you believe it?They actually threw cold water on it?Everything like excitement must be discouraged ! ” 1ST ditto.—Aw—precious dull, ain’t it?There’s one consolation, however—it won t last forevei.The Bluenoses will insist on a change, and Howe knows “ how to do it.’’ i/o DIOGENES.April 30, 1869.A REMINISCENCE OF MONTMORENCI.Going to the Cone.The Day After. w v\ » mmm IBSSHE -srâllÉ SK^SSSct} *•*5 KM!*M mm il!ii?«3!i jjigiïïtf] æmgM MsÊÈrËà ^.v- y .'^ Wmm Nîa&."É|p&! WM,M |if|S vim ¦ - j -if» n ; »e-r 9^?« i 'Xii.mil Imm ¦ ;-5cc -V v.- » £«jSg w ¦ .*»» • yi .-T.;:;,n,v sssgjSgS mm mm '• :’7-î:f8r' ¦ .uwg CHANDLER ON THE RAMPAGE.A NEW WAY OF MAKING LOVE.Miss Canada (s0//