Diogenes, 10 décembre 1869, vendredi 10 décembre 1869

:XA^X.Tfl flM JllUWIfT Xi-ùJcüTt atev.) ,T?Ê3S^.¦Five Cents iirrnirii ÜimiâUK^ wsmm pLUc'A St^€?i ; - ' CHRISTMA S-l 8 6 9.GENERAL GROCERIES, FRUITS, ?picrs, PASTRY FLOUR, and all Nick-Nacks usually required for the Holiday Season, w.D.McLaren, 247 St.Lawrence Main Street, Corner (639) of St.Catherine Street.jr.Gr_ PARKS Has on hand a Large Stock of ALBUMS for Holiday Presents.Those new style Pictures are worthy your attention.Call and see specimens at 84 ST.JAMES STREET, MONTREAL.?PHYSICIANS • invited to call and see r.Babcock’s UTERINE : jporter for Pro-sus, Retroversion, nd Anteversion, de of pure Silver, , | warranted by the .ctor to cure in the lajority of cases, i imT m| Dispensing tr: i and jnily144hemist’ j Lawrence Street, Montreal.Istablished 1859) itioncry Depot.; Subscriber is receiving his al extensive assortment of ,ncy and îeneral Stationery, anting House and chool requisites, Twines, Playing Cards, riting Desks, )ffice and Pocket Cutlery, Diaries, &c, &c.10.HORNE 71 k 73 Francois Xavier Street.I CORRIGAN, \hakespcare Inn, 77 St.Francois Xavier Street.Lunch every day from 12 to 4.Oysters cooked to order.A choice assortment Wines, Spirits, Cinrs, and DOW’S Celebrated Ales.Oyster Patties uncalled in the City.CHEAP sditionsJ ave just received ectures on the History of the Jewish Church, by Arthur Penrhyn Stanley, ,D D.,2 vols.Froude’s History of England.Conybeare and How-wn’s Life and Epistles of St.Paul.tv Also, Discourses on Various Occasions, bv S' Rev.Father H/acinthe, late Supenor of the Barefooted Carmel- nes °,f Paris< and Preacher of the Con ferences of Notre Dame.For Sale at 5S t0 S9 Jamis o:reet.CITY DISPENSARY Fine Perfumes, Hair, Tooth, & Nail Brushes, Patent “Rubber Sponge,” and other Toilet requisites, For sale by J.fE.D’AVIGNON 252 Notrt Dame Street.Use D’Avignon’s Baking Powder.pATCH’S PILE PASTE Prepared only by Dr.PATCH, 364$, Strand, London.A perfect cure where a surgical operation is not absolutely ne-cesssary.J.Rogers & Co , 133 St.James’ Street, AGENTS.3PB.TTXT.New Currants, New Raisins, Neiu Figs, small Boxes, Candied Peels, Pure Spices, fresh ground.KEMP & BROWN Family Grocers, Corner Lemoine and McGill Streets.NEW MUSIC.THE PRIME ARTIIII® -w.-f jr c:xTj By Mr.O.Pelletier, Played by the Rifle Brigade Band at the Drill Shed Concert on the 17th.De Zouche Bros., 35* Notre Dame Street.Vol.Hi._No.4.Montreal, ioui - Queen’s Arms Cheese, Cheddar Cheese, Stilton Cheese, And another supply FRESH ENGLISH COBNUT., ex AT.THTT McGIBBON. DIOGENES.Italian Warehouse.CHRISTMAS C J\.HR.O Hi Now merrily sound the Christmas bells, And hearts are cheerily glowing ; And out ©n the wide waste moors and fells Sharp winter’s winds are blowing ; But pile up the fire, And your hearts to inspire Join hand in hand together, Singing, Christmas is here, With his old Christmas cheer, And his old merry Christmas weather.CHwTMPuLgnes.Theo.Roederer & Co.’s Carte Blanche, qrts.and Theo.Roederer & Co.’s Carte Noire, “ Chas.Heidsick’s (Dry).Moet and Chandon’s “ Extra,” pints and quarts, Moet and Chandon’s “ No.i,” “ “ Moet and Chandon’s “ No.2.” “ “ Max.Sutaine & Co.’s Versenay.CLARETS.BARTON & GUESTIER’S “ Chateau Margaux,” “ Chateau Lafitte,” “ Margaux,” “ St.Julien,” “ Medoc,” in pints and quarts.NATH.JOHNSTON’S Chateau Margaux, 1858, Chateau Lafitte, 1858, Chateau Latour, 1858, Chateau Latour, 1861, Chateau Lafitte Haut Sauterne, Sauterne, Barsac.“ Leoville,” “ Margaux,” “ St.Julien,” “ Medoc,” « St.Lubes.” PORTS, SHERRIES, & BURGUNDIES.Red Burgundy, White Burgundy, Pale and Gold Sherries, Superior Old Port, White Port, Madeira.LIQUEURS.Chartreuse, Maraschino, Curacoa, Noyeau, Orange Bitters, and Assorted.1864.RHENISH AND PALATINATE WINES.‘ LAUBENHEIM,” HOCK and MOSELLE, Still and Sparkling.“ NEIRSTEIN,” RUDESHEIM,” « HOCKHEIM,” “ STEINBERG ” (Duke of Nassau’s Cabinet), “ ZELTINGEN,’ SPARKLING HOCK, SPARKLING MOSELLE, “ JOHANNISBERG ” (Duke of Metternich's Estate),” “ BRAUNEBERG.” SPARKLING BURGUNDY.With the Largest and most Complete Assortment of Christmas Delicacies and Choice Groceries ever offered to the Public of Montreal._________ ____________________________ ALEX.McGIBBON, 67 St.James Street.( ' OLD- TJ V T BACKED X • For 20 cents ! LAYING- CARDS 'ENTS ! pLAINpLAYING^ARDS FOR ^ Çy A BOX OF BOSTON INITIAL STATIONERY for 30 CENTS.COMMERCIAL NOTE, 90 CENTS PER REAM.Bill Books, Diaries, Gold Pens (Foley's), Antique Note Paper, Dove Note Paper, SMITH’S METALLIC MEMORANDUMS, STEPHENS’, TODD’S and IV A L K D EN’ S INKS, A*e.i éfc., irtr., fy-c„ At the Office of 11 DIOGENES” 27 St.fames' Street.LON ORES 18 62.PARIS 18 67 SAVAGE, LYMAN & CO.Are Sole Agents for the Dominion of the above justly Celebrated WatcheS.ALSO, IN STOCK, A LARGE ASSORTMENT OF SWISS, ENGLISH AND AMERICAN MADE WATCHES OF EVERY DESCRIPTION, AND FINE JEWELLERY AND ELECTRO-PLATED WARE.Savage, Lyman & Co., 271 Notre Dame Street (Sign of the Illuminated Clock). DIOGENES.December io, 1869.27 AN EXPLANATION.SOMETHING MORE THAN “ASSURANCE.” An injurious report has gone abroad that His Worship the Mayor has established that witty and funny paper, The Clown and Horse Collar, with the sole object of killing Diogenes.The Cynic is glad to announce that there is no truth in this rumour.Kill off Diogenes ! After that, the Deluge ! Do people imagine that His Worship is so insane so as to undertake so impossible an adventure ?Besides the absurdity of the thing, no human being could believe that our illustrious and patriotic Chief Magistrate would ever think of depriving his beloved people of the blessings showered upon them by a writer who has so long been their guide, philosopher and friend—-a beacon to illumine their darkness, as wine to gladden their hearts.Diogenes is, therefore, delighted to absolve His Worship of this heinous sin ; for it would grieve him to to suppose that a Magistrate, who concentrates in his single person all the cardinal virtues, and many besides, to a greater extent even than his eminent predecessor, Mr.Beaudry—it would grieve the Philosopher to suspect aught of His Worship but what is just, benevolent and angelic.We are, however, happy to state that His Worship is really owner and editor, or at least a regular contributor, to our contemporary’s brilliant pages.We are able to communicate to our readers one of his last contributions, although we regret that we can only insert a few verses in our present number.We will endeavour to give the remainder of this noble lyric in succeeding issues.It was sung by His Worship at the late dinner given by him Scene the 1ST.—An Office in-Street.Signboard overhead.“ The Moon Jew-You-All Assurance Co.of New York." Enter a Merchant wishing to pay a premium,—say on the “ John Collins.”—The smiling “agent,” or “representative,” or whatever you may call him, receives the money with unction, glancing in a self-satisfied sort of way at the large printed “ card ” hanging on the wall, as though desirous of drawing his client’s attention thereto.This is the card : NOTICE! INÆ-A_R.IIM E IIsT rURJANCB DONE AT THE LOWEST RATES OF PREMIUM.Scene 2ND.—Enter a Merchant to collect a loss.—The “ agent,” “ representative,” or whatever you call him, frowns—spurts out something like “ fraudulent claim the large printed card has, somehow or other, been reversed, and now reads : NOTICE! THIS COMPANY IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ACTS OF ITS AGENTS.in honor of H.R.H.the Prince Arthur and suite : A SONG OF WELCOME! The Merchant retires dumbfoundered, and, after consulting his friends, decides on trying the “glorious uncertainty of the Law.” Prince Arthur, born of Royal line, I’m glad to see you at my table ; Spare not the victuals or the wine, But eat and drink while you are able.Come, let us fill our glasses fair, As o’er us waves yon’ civic pennant ; Don’t feel so shy—for I’m the Mayor, And you are only a Lieutenant.I’m told of cash they keep you scant, Which oftentimes must sorely trouble you ; But tell your Ma you’ll never want A dinner while lives W.W.! There ! Mr.Beaudry may rival His Worship in other respects, but could he write like that l No ! Diogenes emphatically says,—No ! DRAMATIC CRITICISM.The following delicious sentence concluded a theatrical puff in the Telegraph, yesterday :— “ If no one has seen the character before, they should not lose the present opportunity of doing so now.” It is charitably hoped the “ notice ” was communicated.“PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE.” The Ass has long been esteemed the paragon of patience, but Canadian Conservatives put poor “ Neddy ” to the blush.With an American-born Radical “friend,” Governor of Ontario ; a Clear-Grit husbandman’s son, Governor (in expectancy) of the Nor’-West ; a Brocltville Radical,—a son of Vulcan,—Attorney General of the same promising territory; a Clear-Brownite made head of the Customs ; and last,—not least,—a Captain of Engineers, taken fresh from the Army at Halifax, placed on the Executive Council at ^500 a year, because he married into the family of a disap-, pointed Nova Scotian politician! All this, one would think enough to tire out the hosts of aspiring Conservatives who have, for years, fought the Premier’s battles ; but it is a fact, nevertheless, that they still hold on, though heart-sick with “hope deferred,” and charitably conclude that they are in the “ cold shade ” only because it “ can’t be helped !” Party history has seldom known such extraordinary abnegation ! TRADE LYRICS .—N o .1.“THE COOK’S FRIEND.” Ye nymphs ! whose art benignant fires my strain, Learn how ye Culinary fame may gain— Use BAKING POWDER, when you’re making bread, The COOK’S fast FRIEND—’twill stand you in good stead.The dough, responsive to the potent spell, In all its sentient atoms, rises well, And, when the oven yields the well-done batch, Say if your “friend”-less efforts this can match ! DIOGENES.HOOD REVISED.One more unfortunate Gasping for breath : Fashion, extortionate, Marks her for death ! Touch her but tenderly, Handle with care Fashioned so slenderly,— Waist like a hair !— Gaze not so scornfully, Think of it mournfully, Gently and humanly, Chignons and pads not there, All that remains of her Then is pure womanly ! Look at her tresses Ungracefully tossed,— Her fair auburn tresses,— While wonderment guesses How much they cost ! Lift her, then, tenderly, Touch not her hair, Who knows ?’tis false, perhaps, Such as they wear.It might come off you know, Think what a shock !— People would call it “ A rape of the lock !” See but that “ bend ” of hers, Oh ! poor humanity ! Woman is naught but hoop, Humbug and vanity ! Made up of odds and ends, Like ancient history, Like Daily “ Cord and Creese, She’s naught but mystery.>> December io, 1869.order to refresh his knowledge of that wonderful tale, he determined to give it a re-perusal, and, if possible, discover the cause of the “ well-known clergyman’s” objections.The Philosopher selected the most promising “ dip ” of his last pound, lighted his lantern, placed upon his venerable nose the “ barnacles ” which he uses when he is disposed to be hypercritical, and, as he likes an audience, however small, commanded the attendance of the antique female who presides over the domestic arrangements of his Tub.Diogenes likes the sound of his own voice, and, therefore, is fond of reading aloud.On this occasion he exerted himself to his utmost capacity, delivering, in his “ richest Doric,” (vide Witness) the stirring lines of the Scottish Bard.He was unable, however, to detect anything, which, according to philosophic views, could be construed as offensive to either “clergy or laity.”—(vide Mr.Stanley Bagg.) He now found that his audience was of service to him in his search.She declared it must have been the shortness of “Nannie’s” skirt which provoked the reverend objector, and, indeed, as the letter says that the objection was taken some years ago, when I ladies wore dresses of “ orthodox ” width and ample longitude, it seems not unlikely that the “ old woman ” may be right.Of course, the same exception could not be taken now a-days.Fashion has changed all that, and ladies now promenade our principal streets in dresses, against which even the redoubtable “Nannie” might fairly have protested.Diogenes gives this conjecture for what it is worth.It is not his, but the “ old woman’s.” THE MAYOR.“ Who would be A merman bold, Sitting alone, Singing alone, Under the sea, With a crown of gold, On a throne ?” — Tennyson.Who would be A Mayor so bold, To sit in the chair, In the civic chair She can’t stand scrutiny, She can’t refute any Tales which are true enough : How that she paints her cheeks, How of those rosy streaks Nature finds few enough! Picture it—think of it Marrying man ; Propose to her, marry her Then, if you can ! At the City Hall, With a chain of gold, To wear ?I would be a Mayor so bold; I would sit in the chair at the City Hall ; I would be such a swell in my chain of gold ; I would lay down the law to the Councillors all, Till all the people, great and small, Should hold up their hands admiringly, And say “ What a very fine Mayor is he ! ” A NIGHT WF BURNS.In its edition of Friday last, the Herald published a letter over the signature of “ Orthodox,” which said that, some years ago, a certain “well-known clergyman” objected to the public reading of “Tam o’ Shanter ” at a concert given by the St.Andrew’s Society.It is asked “ what did the same clergyman think of the recitation of the ‘ Bapteesement o’ the Bairn’ at the last concert given by that Society?” Diogenes was not present at that concert, and knows nothing of the Bapteesement o’ the Bairn, except that he is told it was well received by the audience.The Cynic does, however, know something of “ Tam o’ Shanter,” and, in And then, oh! wouldn’t I cut a shine! I would ask the Prince with me to dine ; That he might sit and talk to me, And perhaps he might make me a K.C.B.;— I would not heed though he spoke to me Snubbingly, snubbingly ; But would follow him out, around and about, To soiree and concert, and ball and rout ; I would not wait invited to be, But would go to St.A-’s Society, Or anywhere else the Prince might be, Perseveringly, perseveringly ; Till all the people should wonder and stare, And call me H.R.H.’s nightmare. DIOGENES.Decembep io, 1869.STATISTICAL.Diogenes is indebted to that eminent statistician, the Secretary of the Montreal Corn Exchange, for the following curious and useful information, prepared with great labour, care, and precision :— Expense of embodying in telegraph reports, throughout the Dominion, the titles and honorary additions of the members of the General and Provincial Governments, ex-Ministers, Senators, Legislators, Legislative Councillors, ex-Councillors, &c., &c., &c., 1,000,015 63 Expense of printing the same in the newspapers, including wages, paper, and ink only.550,000 45 The amount paid in the Province of Quebec, for these items, is strikingly heavy.The learned Secretary also gives detailed statements of kindred expenditures everywhere, under the heads, “ styling Lieut.Governors by the title of Excellency ; ” “ addressing the wives of Ministers, Senators, Councillors, &c.,” as the “ Hon.Lady A.,” and the “ Hon.Mrs.B.,” with various similar facts and details, which we regret our space will not permit us to publish at full length.AVe must mention, however, that the cost of the words “Worshipful,” “Your Worship,” and “His Worship,” in the instances of the Mayors of our Cities and Villages, is enormous.That for Montreal exceeds all the other Municipalities of the Dominion taken together, which is, undoubtedly, owing to the profound respect in which the talents, virtues and accomplishments of our present Chief Magistrate, are universally held.Laprairie comes next.It is understood that Mr.Auditor General Langton will incorporate this invaluable compilation in his next official report to be laid before Parliament.REM ACU TETEGISTIS.Diogenes has received a communication from an esteemed Hibernian co-respondent, on the subject of the castigation given to the Rev.Mr.McMahon, by our Canadian journals.The Cynic is unable to publish the epistle in its entirety, as it is of an extremely fiery, not to say objurgatory character, but as his correspondent really seems to have hit the mark with reference to the peculiar hardship suffered by the reverend gentleman during his imprisonment,—probably from a “fellow-feeling,”—he prints a portion of the communication, merely softening down a few of the adjectives.“These sanguinary journals, with the duplicity which characterises the Saxon, when dealing with the wrongs of the sons of Erin, lay stress upon a few trifling discrepancies between the Reverend patriot’s statements in Canada and New York, but pass over in silence those indignities which weigh heaviest on his mind, and which form the gist of his complaints What, sir ?is an Irish patriot and priest to be plunged forcibly into a filthy Saxon bath, and the sacred deposit of years to be forcibly removed from his reverend epidermis ?Forbid it.shade of Brian Boru ! But, let the tyrants beware ! the time will yet arrive when the foul Saxon cuticle will come under the flesh-brush of Erin, and then ’twill be more than dirt we will remove—‘ the skin shall come with it ! ’ ” “ Aye, there’s the rub ! ” It was the washing that so hurt the reverend gentleman’s feelings, and Diogenes trusts that the authorities at Kingston, who seem to be mighty tender over their guests, will take care that, in future, the tender susceptibilities of their Fenian visitors shall not be outraged on this delicate point.29 NOBODY HURT.In your last, Mr.Diogenes, you had something to say about “ Organs,” and the strange tunes they play.But they possess another remarkable quality, on which your lantern threw no light ;—their wonderful, significant, and suggestive silence, when it doesn’t suit ’em to speak.In “ The Metropolis ” we have two of these instruments, and they play against each other from January to December for the prizes that are awarded for the best licking and the best dish-washing.In the same place there happens also to be a Post-Office.Now, you must, know that a week or two ago, there was promise of a pretty considerable muss in this establishment ; many very strange things were said to have come to light ;—sores, that had began to mortify, and weak places that had outgrown the best patent auditorial trusses and bandages.Not a note was struck on the “ Organs their bellows were undisturbed, and we knew that the fair and pleasant weather was not likely to be disturbed.So it was.No one was hurt.A gentleman retired from the fruitful field with a fortune, and another was appointed in his stead,—a Kingston man of course ! ! (The public offices, unless the wind of patronage veers, will certainly depopulate Kingston.) The two days wonder subsided — the old sores were salved and covered—the weak places were doctored—and one of the organs rebuked somebody who had the impertinence to hint that something was out of order.Some people are unreasonable; no right-minded individual would have supposed that there could have been acidity or bitterness in a Post-Office, where the Inspector was a Sweetman, or dreamt that the accounts would not be properly cooked, where the post-master was a Baker.“LIVING CHARACTER ACTING.” Diogenes has been puzzled for some days past by the announcement contained in certain gorgeous posters, to the effect that a young Canadian Artiste had been pronounced by the entire press as the “ the greatest of “ Living Character Actors.” At last he put it to himself in this way : What is a “ character actor.” All theatrical performers are supposed to assume some character be it good, bad, or indifferent, and to represent it more or less truthfully ; therefore there can be no distinctive feature in the performance of our young Canadian, which entitles him to call himself, par excellence, a “ character actor.” Mr.Rankin, knowing that stage players in general are esteemed, by the “ unco guid,” persons of no character, had determined to proclaim his respectability, and thus anticipate one of the gravest objections to theatrical entertainments.But when the Cynic examined the notice more thoroughly, the prefix “ living ” again plunged him into the depths of perplexity.A “living Character Actor”?—-What in the name of the revered and lamented Lindley, is he?“Eels all alive o’!” he has heard publicly advertised by stentorian street criers— but an Actor all alive o’ !—what could that mean ?At last Diogenes came to the conclusion that the mysterious announcement, freely translated, amounted to this—That Mr.R.was an actor of respectability, alive to his own interest.Accordingly the Philosopher resolved to go to the theatre.****** * Diogenes has returned from the theatre—Weary, dreary, and sleepy.He was half-suffocated by the foul air, and was bored by one of the slowest performances he ever witnessed.Mr.Rankin has, however, a certain imitative faculty, which experience may ripen into talent.But the Cynic can speak of the first and second acts only.He was notified by the play bill that there was to be an interval of twenty years between the second and third acts.He thought that rather long to wait—and he left. UK, asM! WAKING DREAMS.Here’s our pretty darling, Seated by the fire, Building airy castles To her heart’s desire.See ! on swift toboggan, Down the slope they glide ; View the princely figure Sitting by her side.Now, with airy lightness, O’er the ice they skim ; Victoria’s rink, the scene is, Victoria’s son, the him ! Whirled by fiery coursers, O’er the snow they fly ; Still the Royal figure Meets the envious eye.Wake, oh ! sweet enchantress ! Wake to stubborn fact ; Recollect that dreadful Royal Marriage Act ! Banish the vain phantoms In thy train, that lurk ; Think upon thy faithful, Loving “ Dry Goods’ Clerk !” Let returning wisdom Thy true heart evince ; Think not of that fatal, Fascinating Prince ! A NATURAL ENQUIRY.A correspondent asks if the Circuit Court is so called, because of the very round-about way in which they transact their business ?Perhaps, one of our legal contributors will enlighten our correspondent.MEM.FOR CHRISTMAS.Wild Turkeys should always be taken in conjunction with Sublime Porte.The Cvnic refers to his advertising columns.HIGHLY APPROPRIATE.The motto displayed at the St.George’s Society’s Bazaar ; “ I was a stranger and ye took me in ! ”— Vide Daily News, 8th inst.“COASTING:” A Winter Amusement under the Especial Patronage of “ An Efficient Police.” December io, i86g DIOGENES.iiffirf Al uw